I have been away for a while whilst trials ensued. I have thus far made it though, though I cannot say much beyond this- in the process I have suffered scars and bruises aplenty and find myself oft' lost and confused, searching for direction when there is none to be had. Guilt, depression, anger, frustration, helplessness,and feelings of great loss, these are but a few of the emotions I must battle on a daily basis and I fear at times that I am losing ground. I exist primarily in a state of perpetual numbness, which, sadly, is preferred. To feel is out of the question, at least for now and until I determine a way to again do so in a way that will not completely destroy my last few strands of sanity.

Melodramatic though this may sound, I assure you, I am being anything but. I do not care to discuss details, but rest assured, I have lost much, quite nearly everything, and certainly all that I once held to be most important in my life. And what hurts the most is that the majority of it, though others tell me otherwise, I feel to be my own doing.

I don't feel like writing any more, but there will probably be more entries at a later date. I shall leave you with this.... those you hold dearest, those whom you treasure above all else, those whom keep you sane, and those whom you love,,, tell them and keep them close. You never know when death will come knocking.